Alive
by Shakespeare's Girl
Summary: The evolution of Clark and Lex. Rated for underlying themes and possible future chapters. Could be slash. Written as slash, but works as friendship.
1. Dream and Dread

**Dream and Dread**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**First in a Series**_

_What I once used to dream_

_I now dread_

_If he finds me this won't ever end_

_And he'll always be there..._

Clark Kent gazed at the horizon, his eyes not seeing any of the Kansas landscape. Instead he saw silver-blue-green eyes, that pierced the soul with their intensity and burned into the memory, until they consumed every thought.

He saw what had been, the friendship, the falling out, the heartache, the enmity. And he also saw what could be, if he took the chance and trusted the one person who had the most power over him.

Clark smirked suddenly, a perfect imitation of the Luthor smirk, and shook his head. He used to dream about the act he was contemplating. Now he dreaded what would happen if he actually gave in to his urge.

_If I tell him the truth, he'll either be thrilled or horrified, and one way or the other, it will lead to my undoing._

The thing that kept him motionless in the middle of the field, however, was simply fear. Fear not of Lex, but of Lex's hate.

"I have to do it. I have to tell him, or this spiral of insanity will eventually kill us both. I have to tell Lex my secret."

Saying it out loud unfroze his limbs, and he nodded, then turned and walked away from the field, and toward the Luthor mansion. He would tell Lex, and he could deal with the consequences later.

Lex probably already knew anyway, Clark realized, but he was hoping the act of good faith would be worth something. If Clark trusted him, finally trusted him, then maybe the damage would be reversed.

One thing Clark knew for sure. Telling Lex would be infinitely better than never telling him. Even if he was too late to save the man, it would be better to trust him with his secret than to continue to snub him.

_After all, the worse that can happen is that he comes after me with an even greater vengeance. And it's not like I can't withstand him. I'll always be here. And so will he. Hopefully, we'll be here together._

**A/N: Excerpt at the beginning is from "The Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am not ALW. I look nothing like ALW. I own nothing in this fic, except the concept.**


	2. Pleading

**Pleading**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Second in a Series**_

_But in his eyes_

_All the sadness of the world_

_Those pleading eyes_

_That both threaten and adore..._

Lex Luthor stared at the ceiling. Ever fiber of his being screamed at him to accept the gift he'd just been given, to take back the young man with the beautiful green eyes, to renew the friendship. But some rebellious piece of him wanted only to snarl and snap and destroy the thing he'd just been offered.

_Friendship with Clark. Oh to have that back..._

It was nearly more than he could bear, to have the man so close to him, but be so far away from him at the same time.

_He's lied to me for years._

_But now he's told you the truth._

_How do you know he isn't tricking you?_

_Why would he want to do that? Besides, if you'd look at him for one minute, you could tell._

So Lex tilted his head back down and looked at Clark Kent. Their eyes locked, and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen looked at him with such sadness, as if they knew what was going on inside his head, knew what Lex was thinking, knew exactly how the internal battle would end. Sadness, and forgiveness, and something else.

Lex used to call it the "puppy dog look." But this was something more. Somehow, this look was slightly frightening. Somehow, adoring, loving the recipient, but also a warning. Lex shut his eyes against the heartbreaking beauty of Clark Kent, then realized that it was no use.

"Clark," he breathed, and looked again at the brilliant green irises, and saw that they were pleading with Lex to accept him. "Clark," he said again. "Thank you."

**A/N: Excerpt at the beginning is from "The Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am not ALW. I look nothing like ALW. I own nothing in this fic, except the concept.**


	3. Horrors

**Horrors**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Third in a Series**_

_Twisted every way_

_What answer can I give_

_Am I to risk my life to earn the chance to live_

_Can I betray the man who once inspired my voice_

_Do I become his prey?_

_Do I have any choice_

_He kills without a thought_

_He murders all that's good_

_I know I can't refuse_

_But how I wish I could_

_Oh God if I agree_

_What horrors wait for me..._

The question hung in the air like a foul smell, or a cloud of smoke. Both men waited, waited for the answer that would change their lives.

Could he do it? Could Lex become evil and maniacal again, at least to the world's eyes, to protect Clark Kent?

"Would you become a Luthor again to protect me?" Clark had asked, and Lex had instantly frozen.

Could he become a Luthor again? He'd tried so hard to leave that behind him, changing his last name to Kent, donating heavily to charities, becoming nearly anonymous.

He felt twisted inside, now, being asked to resume his old role as tyrant.

How could he refuse? He loved Clark more than anything. He would give his life, his soul, but to give up his goodness? Lex wasn't sure he could, let alone whether he was willing.

"I--Clark, why? What's happened?"

"It's just..." Clark hesitated, and Lex knew it was bad. "I--"

"Wait. Don't answer. I have to figure this out first, before I know why you ask."

Lex swallowed his fear and concentrated. Lex Luthor had been evil, preying on good and murdering beauty. But, Lex realized, if it saved Clark, he would gladly sell his soul to the devil, and become that man once more.

"Yes," Lex finally said. "I would do anything to keep you safe."

**A/N: Excerpt at the beginning is from "The Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am not ALW. I look nothing like ALW. I own nothing in this fic, except the concept. I am not even positive I quoted the song right. **


	4. Hell

**Hell**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Fourth in a Series**_

_Go now_

_Swear to me_

_Never to tell_

_The secret you know_

_Of the Angel in Hell..._

Three months. Three long, tortuous months as a Luthor, and Lex had hated every second. The corporate bull shit, the long hours, the battling against Lionel, everything he did anymore left him longing for the wholesomeness of Kansas.

He ached to be back with Clark on the farm, even if it meant mucking out stalls and baling hay.

His mind wandered to the happy time he'd spent before the danger to Clark's secret identity had forced him to resume his role.

There had been days on end when he hadn't thought for a second of revenge, hadn't questioned anyone's motives, had let himself sink into the wonder of the world.

Now he was sitting at a desk in one of the highest towers in Metropolis, watching the clouds outside his office window and wondering if Clark was in them or looking at them. He licked his lips and turned back to his paper work.

He wouldn't trade knowing Clark was safe for anything, even the happiness of the farm in Kansas. As long as he was in Metropolis, no one suspected the innocent Clark Kent of being Superman. As long as he was in Metropolis, plotting and scheming and terrorizing, Clark was safe. Because as long as someone was doing something evil in the city, Superman stayed in the populace's eyes as a hero. But let the evil doings stop for even a second and suddenly he was a tyrant, a threat, and not a hero.

Without a Luthor to deflect attention from Clark Kent, the young ingenue reporter got too much press, took too much flack for reporting Superman's deeds, was looked at as a possible secret identity, or was pressed to reveal the secret identity of Superman.

As long as Lex stayed a Luthor, Clark Kent was safe.

And Lex Luthor was in Hell.

**A/N: Excerpt at the beginning is from "The Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am not ALW. I look nothing like ALW. I own nothing in this fic, except the concept.**


	5. Always

**Always**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Fifth in a Series**_

_You always are what you always were..._

Clark stared across the street at the building he knew Lex Luthor sat inside, guarding his secret with his life.

He hated that he'd had to interrupt their life on the farm for this. It was things like this that made him want to stop being Superman. It wasn't fair to his friends, his family, to have to protect him.

Clark bit his lip, and gave in to the temptation to check up on Lex. He squinted at the building he'd been staring at, and scanned the floors until he found Lex. He was sitting at his desk, staring at the Daily Planet building.

Without thinking, Clark picked up the phone and dialed Lex's office number.

"Lex Luthor."

"It's me."

"Clark?"

"Yeah."

"What's the matter?"

"I can't do this anymore. I want to go home."

"Um..."

"Lex, I don't want to put you through this any longer. I want to go back to Kansas and see where things go naturally. I'm giving up on Superman. We can go underground for a while."

There was silence from Lex for a moment, then, "You'll always be Clark Kent, Clark, no matter who else you are. You will always be that farm boy from Kansas, stumbling over his own feet, in love with a woman he can't have, and best friends with a Luthor. That doesn't change, just because you're in Metropolis. You are what you are."

"I know Lex, but I want to be with you." Clark thought about how that sounded, and decided he didn't care. "I want to be with you now. I don't want to wait."

"Then I'll call you back in about five minutes, and we'll see about Clark Kent and Lex Luthor officially becoming friends again."

**A/N: Excerpt at the beginning is from "Company" by Steven Sondheim. I am not Sondheim. I look nothing like Sondheim. I own nothing in this fic, except the concept.**


	6. Scream

**Scream**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Sixth in a Series**_

_Will the world remember you when you fall?_

_Could it be your death means nothing at all?_

_Is your life just one more life?_

Lex was screaming, he knew he was. He just couldn't hear himself scream.

He stared at the formerly invulnerable body lying on the concrete, and felt another scream tear from his throat, his chest, his soul. Screaming alone was not enough, but it was too much. Something blurred his vision, and Lex thought it had to be tears.

Lex didn't know the last time he'd cried.

There was blood everywhere, and green--kryptonite.

And worst of all, Clark wasn't moving, he was just lying there, still and silent and lifeless.

Dead.

Lex stared, and screamed, and sobbed, and the tears streamed down his face, and he could do absolutely nothing.

How had this happened?

How would Lex recover from this?

Lex began to hear again, and managed to stop his screaming. He heard someone ask what had happened, and he couldn't begin to speak yet, so he only shook his head and sobbed.

He wasn't even sure what had happened. All he knew was that there had been someone shooting, and kryptonite bullets, and then more kryptonite thrown at them, and surely, surely there had to be someone who had reported this all, because there was no way Lex had been functioning well enough to call nine one one.

Clark was lying on the pavement, cold, lifeless, silent, still.

Lex dropped to his knees. It couldn't be true. It wasn't fair. Surely the powers that be didn't hate him enough to take away the one thing in this world that kept him sane?

Lex wondered what he was going to do if this wasn't all a dream.

And then he screamed again, and suddenly, the only thing he saw was blackness.

**A/N: The excerpt at the beginning is from "Empty Chairs At Empty Tables" from "Les Miserables." I do not own either the song or the musical. I did not write them. I do not own Smallville either. I own nothing but the ideas.**


	7. Disintegrate

**Disintegrate**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Seventh in a Series**_

_I cannot make love linger any longer than sunlight, but I don't want to die without feeling it's warmth on my face._

Lex sat in his cold, clinical room at Belle Reve, unsure exactly how long it had been since he last moved.

It didn't matter, though, because Clark was dead.

His legs felt numb, so he decided maybe it was time to stand. He tried, but his legs collapsed under him, and he fell to the floor, with his face to the plastic window.

He wondered if this was how Hannibal Lecter had felt sometimes, isolated and alone and capable of almost anything if only the right reasons and opportunity would present themselves.

He had been staring at someone outside his window for a while now, but it had taken him until now to notice that it was a person. Lex slowly sat up, staring even more intently. The man outside his window was wearing blue jeans and a red t-shirt. He had dark hair, nearly black, and green eyes. His skin was a golden tan, and he looked tall and strong and alive.

There was only one person who looked like that in all the world.

"Clark?" Lex breathed.

In an instant, Clark was inside the room, picking Lex up off the floor, cradling his incapacitated body against his chest. "Lex," he smiled down at the frail man. "I'm here. I'm alive. It's all right."

"You're alive."

"Yes."

"I watched you die."

"I wasn't quite dead. Evidently, Kryptonians can exist for long periods of time with no oxygen, in what is apparently a comatose state. Anyway, after they put me in the morgue, I somehow wound up in the arctic, and Jor El did something and resuscitated me, and I couldn't do anything before I found you again."

"I didn't know what to do anymore."

"I know, Lex, it's all right."

"I thought you were gone, and there was no point anymore."

"You shouldn't have let them put you back in here, Lex. You're worth so much more."

"I couldn't do anything without you. I just...stopped."

"Lex, I'm never going to leave you again. I promise. I will not let you disintegrate like this. You're too important to me." Clark's strong arms lifted Lex's weakened body. "God Lex, it feels like you haven't eaten in a month!"

Lex attempted a grin, but it didn't work. "Um, probably longer."

"Lex," Clark said, and his voice was a warning and a comfort and a relief and suddenly the world started spinning again.

"I know, I'm sorry." Lex turned in Clark's arms and hid his face in Clark's shoulder. "I've barely moved since that day..."

"Lex, don't feel guilty about it. I would have tried to do the same thing if I was in your shoes."

"But you wouldn't have."

"Lex, I may be Superman, but even I can't tell the future." Clark paused, and looked at the delicate man in his arms. "I think when you die, I will be even further gone than you were."

**A/N: The quote at the beginning was said by Sean Connery in "First Knight." I am not Sean Connery. I look nothing like Sean Connery. I own nothing in this fic except the ideas.**


	8. Promise

**Promise**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Eighth in a Series**_

_If you love nothing, what joy is there in your life?_

Clark stared off into the horizon. His eyes didn't see the beautiful Kansas landscape, the glorious sunset, or the rising moon. Clark saw only the silver-green-blue eyes of his friend, eyes that would consume his very soul if he wasn't careful.

And for once in his life, Clark wanted to be anything but careful.

The very person he was imagining walked up beside him. "Clark? Are you all right?"

"Lex."

Lex knew something was wrong when that was all Clark said. "What is it, Clark?"

"I--" Clark turned to Lex and slowly put his hands on Lex's shoulders. "I think I have to leave for a while."

"What?" Clark could see the panic in Lex's eyes. Carefully, he slid his hands down to Lex's, bringing them up to his face and gently kissing them.

"Lex," he whispered. "I don't want to go. I don't. But..."

"You have to."

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Remember what I told you, about Metropolis, when the family crest burned itself onto my chest?"

"Yes."

Clark didn't say anything as he unbuttoned his shirt and displayed his chest for Lex. The scars were there, deeper than ever, and more angry red than they'd ever been before.

"I've been ignoring destiny for too long. I have to go. But..." Clark took Lex's chin in his hand as he said it. "I _will_ come back. I promise, I will come back to you."

"Clark," Lex moaned. "How do I go on without you?"

Clark only hesitated a moment before he pulled Lex into a kiss. At first Lex remained stiff, uncertain what was happening. But as Clark held him there, unable to escape, he softened.

Lex reached up and put his arms around Clark's neck, but Clark pulled back.

"This is how you'll keep going. Knowing I love you."

Lex nodded. "When are you leaving?"

"I have to go now."

"I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

**A/N: The excerpt at the beginning is from "First Knight." I don't remember who says it. But I don't own it, regardless. Neither do I own Smallville, sadly. If I owned Smallville... Suffice it to say, I don't own it.**


	9. Waiting

**Waiting**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

_**Ninth in a Series**_

_As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, somewhere there is a man who is better than me._

Lex Luthor was still waiting. Three years and he was still waiting. He would wait until the day he died, because Clark had promised he would come back, and Lex had never known Clark to break a promise.

And Clark was closer than ever. Lex bit back a joyful smile. Soon. There had been a Superman sighting in Hong Kong. Lex guessed that being away from Earth for so long had messed up his internal compass, that he'd gotten a little mixed up on his way back from the Fortress.

Lex didn't care, as long as he was on his way home.

And as Lex turned to the window to look out at the cerulean sky, the man he'd been waiting for landed on his balcony. Lex could feel the smile that lit up his face melting away any doubts he'd ever had.

"Clark."

And the handsome face broke, crumbled, and the strongest man on Earth fell to his knees.

"Clark!" Lex gasped, and for a moment thought he'd developed super speed himself as he ran to Clark's side. "What is it? What's happened?"

"You waited."

"Of course. I couldn't let you come home to nothing." Lex knelt beside Clark, and carefully embraced the man. "After all, I love you, too."

Clark let out a half laugh. "It only took you three years." He squeezed his eyes shut then, and Lex knew he'd thought that Lex would move on, find someone else.

"Clark, I would never, in a million years, stop waiting for you."

"But there's someone out there who's better for you than me. Someone who can love you and all your darkness more than I can, someone who will always have time to come for you, to be with you. Someone--"

"I don't want 'someone.' I want Clark Kent. I want the man who saved me twice from Belle Reve. I want the one who shared his deepest secret with me, who pulled me back from the brink of insanity so many times I can't count them anymore. I don't want someone better. I want someone I can love with all my soul. I want you."

Clark returned the embrace finally, and Lex laid his head on the sturdy shoulder, inhaling the scent of Clark, and enjoying being with the one man who was better than Lex Luthor could ever hope to be.

**A/N: Once again, the excerpt is from "First Knight." Quoted by Richard Gere. I am not Richard Gere. I look nothing like Richard Gere. I own nothing, nothing! Not Smallville, not Superman, not Lex Luthor, nothing. All I own are ideas. And a few too many DVDs. But anyway...**

**Oh yeah. These kind of wound up as drabbles at the beginning, but are fleshing out more as I write them. I have one final idea that I want to do to finish this, and it's looking like it'll be a longish one. Also, the Muses have not been kind lately, so it will probably take a while for me to update this. Thanks for your reading and reviewing! I'd be no where without my readers!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Home**

**Last in a Series**

**By Shakespeare's Girl**

**A/N: To everyone who read the rest of this stuff previously and begged for an ending, this is it. It took me a while, I grant you, but I wanted to get the end just right. And then, a few nights ago, I found the perfect quote to end this series while watching "The Wizard of Oz" and I had to drop everything and write this. So, after much anticipation on everyone's part and much frustration on mine, I present to you, the final chapter. Enjoy.**

_If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any farther than my own backyard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with._

It wasn't fancy, or big, or filled with modern amenities. It was just a farmhouse, located in Smallville, a few miles from town, and a few miles from the looming shadow of the Luthor Mansion.

It wasn't filled with family and friends. The furnishings were minimal, having been sold off long ago to raise a little extra cash and make a little room for things like glass topped desks and swivel chairs. In fact, only two rooms remained untouched.

It wasn't dark or cold or gloomy, either. It was painted a sunny yellow, just like it always had been. The inside was done in warm colors, browns and yellows and reds. Even the barn, old and shabby as it was, seemed bright and warm.

It wasn't a working farm anymore, the land having been rented out to neighbors, or sold to other farmers in the area, but there were about twenty acres of paddock for animals and another twenty in back of the barn for gardening and minor farming.

The two men standing on the dirt road just outside the driveway that lead up to the house were smiling. It had been years since they'd come back to this little haven in the center of farm country in Kansas. The taller man leaned on the truck they'd driven this far, it's paint a faded blue; a dinosaur of a thing, big and tall and running on diesil, seats kept together with duct tape and a permanently gaping glove box. The shorter man stood, feet spread, arms crossed, staring at the yellow house that beckoned them.

"Done looking yet, Lex?"

Lex Luthor turned around. "I'll never get tired of looking, Kent," he informed his companion.

Clark Kent smiled. It was a big, goofy ear to ear grin, the same one he'd been wearing for years. Lex turned his scrutiny toward Clark, looking the man over. He was older, but he still looked exactly the same as he had the first time Lex had met him. Strong and broad shouldered, dark hair without a trace of grey, good looking farmboy, innocent green eyes. Eyes that had seen more than anyone should have to, and yet still retained their innocent look. Lex shook his head, then turned back to the Kent farmhouse.

"Is this what you really want, Lex?" Clark asked, shifting his weight off of the truck.

"Yes, Clark," Lex nodded. "The house, the picket fence, the farmer with his muddy boots tracking dirt into my bedroom." Lex took a deep, contented breath. "I want the family I never had. I want the life I didn't think existed. I want the American Dream."

"Thought you already had that," Clark joked. "What with being a Luthor and rich and all."

"Riches aren't the American Dream, Clark," Lex explained, a patient smile on his face. "The Amercian Dream is home and family and belonging."

It was Clark's turn to smile. "Well, I think you've already got three for three," he reminded Lex.

Lex nodded. "Yeah, well . . ." They looked up the driveway at the silent house for another moment. "Shall we?" He extended an arm to Clark.

Clark smiled at the older man. Lex was a little more worn around the edges than Clark was, occasional glimpses of the man he'd be in another twenty years flashing through the still youthful eyes. Clark liked it. Maturity looked good on Lex. He took the arm offered to him, and led Lex up the driveway. "Let's go home, Lex."

"Yes," Lex agreed. "Let's."


End file.
